


Burning Down

by Daxolotl



Series: Yearning, Burning [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/F, Red Daughter Kara Danvers, Self-Destruction, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 05:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16111880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxolotl/pseuds/Daxolotl
Summary: You always knew it would end this way.You didn't care.





	Burning Down

"That was quite the fight Supergirl had on the TV earlier."

You don't turn around, focusing on finishing writing up your report.

"I speak from experience when I say that the Russian Supergirl clone packs a mean right hook."

"She won. So it's fine," you say. Clipped. Terse.

"She solar flare again? That last bit of heat vision felt like it was a little too much for both of us."

"Did you?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm operating on zero power right now. It feels _so_ nice to be normal for a couple of days. So, did she?"

You sigh and put your pen down, facing her. "Yes, she solar flared."

"And yet, she's not here."

You bristle. You and she had agreed not to talk about your strained sibling relationship with Kara. Saying her name is one thing, or talking about the latest fight. But this feels personal. "She's staying with her boyfriend. Uh… Dirk."

"Dick."

"Pretty sure his name's Dirk."

Not-Kara shrugs. "I meant what I said."

"What are you doing here?" you ask, finally running out of patience.

She shifts a little under your gaze. "You always worry about her after fights like this. I wanted to, I dunno, be here for you. Give you someone to hold on to."

You snort. "What? You fight her, then you come to my apartment so we can snuggle, like you're a proxy for my sister?"

"Isn't that what I am to you?"

You flinch at the question, falling silent. Is that what she thinks of you? Then again…is she wrong?

"Hey," she says, gently, stepping forwards to cup your cheek. "I'm sorry, that was mean. I know it's not like that. Everything's complicated, but I know I'm not just…some cheap copy." She tilts your head back until you're looking into her eyes, so blue and peaceful. "And I know you don't think of me that way, either."

Do you? 

"Kiss me?" you ask, desperate, ignoring the important questions.

She does, and you melt against her touch. Her fingers trail over your cheeks, over your jaw, through your hair. She settles in your lap, a reassuring weight against your chest, pressing you into the couch.

Her lips move to your neck, kissing along it, burning everywhere they touch; searing your skin. "Kar—" you whisper, arching towards her.

"I love you, Alex," she whispers, so gentle even as she bites down, drawing out a whine from you.

There's the sound of a key in the door, and your eyes widen. "Move—" you say, as the door pushes open.

"Hey, Alex," the one voice you didn't want to hear says from the doorway. "Dirk was called in to work, so I figured with me being solar flared, lazy sister pizza night was…"

There's silence.

Kara stands somewhere behind you, in the doorway.

Not-Kara straddles your waist, staring straight ahead, unmoving.

"What… the _fuck_ … is happening here?" Kara asks, voice cracking.

You push Not-Kara from your lap, moving to get to your feet to face your sister. You're well aware of the red mark that's probably already showing up on your neck. "I can explain."

You knew from the start that it would end like this. It was only a matter of when.

"Ex-explain? Explain what? That you're _screwing_ my clone? My _evil_ clone?!"

"Kara, no." You step forwards. "She's not evil. She's just. She's just different, okay?"

"We almost beat each other into a _coma_ today, Alex! And then I come over and find you here, _getting off with her_ on the couch. Our couch! How long has this been going on? How long ago could you have brought her into the DEO, told us what you knew?"

You grit your teeth, trying to deal with all of this without losing your temper. "It's not-it's not like that, okay? I made a mistake, I admit it, but it doesn't change things."

Not-Kara tenses behind you, but you can't focus on that right now.

Kara, for her part, just looks lost. "I just. I can't believe that after everything, you chose to do this with _her_ , i-instead of with _me_." She stares at you, tears in her eyes. "I would've given us everything we wanted. All you had to do was say the words. And instead, you did this. What is _wrong_ with you?"

Before you can ask what she means, she walks out, slamming the door after her.

You stand there, stunned into silence.

"…You made a mistake?" Not-Kara asks, quietly.

You jerk your head up, turning to face her and stepping forwards. She steps back, away from you, arms crossed defensively – holding herself. "No. Sweetie, no, that's not what I meant. I didn't mean being with you was a mistake, I meant it was a mistake not to tell people. A mistake to not explain things to the DEO."

She swallows heavily, blinking back tears. "I think, uh. I think I'm gonna go. Give you some space. Good night, Alex." She slips past you before you can ask her to stay, stepping out of the door. Leaving you. The two of them finally have something in common.

You never thought it would end like this.

Your apartment feels cold, now.

**Author's Note:**

> _I decided to write this short series of stories on a whim. I didn't initially understand why, when angst and hurt is something I have no experience writing, and angst without a happy ending is something I tend to avoid reading, let alone writing._
> 
> _But I realised, as I was writing them, that it came down to Alex Danvers as a character. She self-destructs. She parties until she's arrested. She works as a DEO agent so hard that it could easily kill her. She drinks, heavily. She dated terrible men before she realised she's gay. She broke up with her fiancée weeks before their wedding, for a reason she hadn't even been aware of before, then has a one-night-stand with a woman from another universe only a few weeks later._
> 
> _She self-immolates, in a way I've never written before._
> 
> _And ultimately, to let her be happy in other stories, I feel like I need to...vent her bad habits. To create stories where she ruins everything through drink, or through careless sex with a clone of her sister, or through taking risks that hurt herself or others. By giving her the room to be the worst version of herself, she also has room to be the best version of herself._
> 
> _I'm sorry that there's no happy ending - that Alex has pushed away both versions of her sister, possibly forever. But exploring Alex's self-destruction is, to me, at least as important as exploring her brilliance. Thank you, for reading this experiment of mine._


End file.
